What I Love & Makes My Life Happy

I was inspired to write this blog from another blog that I am following. I think it is a fun idea and it makes us stop and think about those people and things in our life that makes us smile.

I Love....
My Daughter
My 3 Sons
My HusBanD
my family
My FriEnds
My hair being brushed
MaSsAges
Allegro Moscato Wine (see pic below)
PIZZA
BunnY TrackS IcE CreaM
Cooking
BAKING
Slow DancinG
HUGZ
Kisses from my KiDDos
Love Stories
Smell of Babies
Candles
Sobe Cranberry GrapeFruit
SLEEping
My HOUSE
Scrapbooking
Decorating my HOMe
ANTIQUES
Clothes
SHOPping
RED
PINk
YELLOW
Reading
Taking family walks
The smell of his cologne
His manly side
Infusium Hair Products
Dolphins
CANDY
CleanHouse
Fresh Laundry
Cold sheets
Babies
Music all kinds for all sorts of memories
Her Smile
His voice
Their Messes
Their Laughter
Our special number 11-11
The Biggest Loser
Mercy

I have so many things and people that ate a part of what makes me smile, what makes me happy, what makes me live for tomorrow...I am Blessed! I love my children more then I knew I was capable of loving. What makes you Happy? What do you Love?

Sigh...

It has been a miserable few days...Madalynn, Nolan and I are sick with a cold, we are in the middle of a moving, David and Marcus are coming to visit us in 4 days, Nolan has surgery in 5 days and we were supposed to have a BBQ next weekend! I decided to cancel the BBQ only because we have way too much on our plates at the moment. This has been my 1st cold in at least a year and I have to say I didn't miss being sick. I have absolutely no patience at the moment for my kids because I feel like complete crap! Poor babies need my love and tenderness and I don't have any to give. I just want to lay in bed and be loved and caressed myself. Michael has been working so he isn't even home to help me. I am trying to pack, play Doctor and nurse myself back to help and I just can't keep us. I want to have more patience for my angel babies. I want us to feel better...sigh...

Packing

I HATE packing! I wish I could just throw it all in boxes and be done...the only problem with that is nothing would make it in one piece. It is so mundane standing there rolling each glass, plate, bowl or vase in a piece of newspaper. You do not realize how much STUFF you have until you have to pack it all into boxes. I get rid of soooo much stuff moving, but then I eventually accumulate more stuff. I love when I come across something that I have been looking for, for so long. It is like finding a $20 bill in an old coat pocket. Instead of packing I am sitting here on the couch rocking Madalynn and watching "Diego" with Noli. I feel guilty when I am not spending enough time with them. Besides, Mike can help too. Oh wait...he is working lol. Guess I will be packing when the kids go to bed.

'Blogaholic'

I am a "Blogaholic" blogging is addicting! It is my outlet, my journal, my biography. Sometimes I have so much on my mind that I need to blog and that can happen while driving, sleeping, eating, exercising, and yes even during "love making!". I enjoy sharing my life because I know somebody out there can relate and appreciate to one of my blogs. Besides, I hate clutter so a handwritten journal is not an option for me. So I am blogging my life away and one day I will look back and be able to recapture old memories.

One More...maybe

Is it odd that I want ANOTHER baby after I just had one 5 months ago? I am infatuated with pregnant bellies! I miss my belly. I think pregnant bellies are so cute. I have 4 children and my last child was my daughter. God FINALLY decided to bless my life with a little girl. She is amazing. She is perfect. She is a dream come true! When I was pregnant with her I had no idea what I was having. I was just adamant that I didn't want a girl (I will blog about my experience of having a daughter and my pregnancy at a later time). Anyhow...I honestly felt that this last pregnancy was just that THE LAST! Just recently I have felt the desire to have another though. I have been thinking about getting pregnant this December when Madalynn is 11 months old. I guess I'm just not ready to say that I'm not having anymore. I want the experience just one more time! Am I being selfish? Should I be thankful
for the 4 that I have? I would just love to have a BIG family. I want a close, warm family. I want large holiday gatherings, I want my children to have a childhood I never had.

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GED continuation...

My test results are in! I passed my Social Studies and Reading tests. Tomorrow I will be taking the Science exam. 2 down 3 to go!

To be continued...

New Address

So I FINALLY got the call that I have been waiting for!!! We were approved for the house. MY DREAM house!! (Sorry for all of the caps and exclamation marks, but I am SO excited.)

Let me paint you a picture of what my future looks like in our new home.

First off the home is a 2 story home, 4 bedrooms, 1 bath, living room, dining room, basement (wet), 2 car garage, a nice size front porch that has stairs, a deck on the side of the house that enters through the kitchen and 2 acres of beautiful, green grass and newly planted trees. The surroundings are thick woods, miles of hay and corn fields and a neighbor that is about 1/4 of a mile away and that's the only "visible" neighbor!

Now here is my mental picture of what I am looking forward to in our new home...waking up to my white, linen curtains blowing from the breeze, looking out my windows at the calmness of the country and the deer, turkeys and bears roaming through the fields and the eagles soaring gracefully through the baby blue sky. Going downstairs and hearing the pitter patter of my childrens feet running through the house waiting for their breakfast and their laughter filling the air. Spending the afternoons cleaning my large home, hanging the damp laundry out on the line and taking in the aroma of pure country. Baking fresh bread, cookies, pies, preparing a delicious supper, tending to our garden and sitting around bon fires roasting marshmallows, cuddling on a blanket and making love underneath the stars, having family picnics in the front yard, building snowmen in the winter, bbq'ing on our deck,
sitting on our front porch sipping on lemonade or sweet tea...what an amazing life....what a DREAM COME TRUE!!

I will post pictures of our new home asap.

Please Call Me Back!!

Michael and I have been looking at houses to rent/rent to own over the last month. We have found a few that we really liked, but a no go. Unfortunately we have limited options due to having such terrible credit from our "younger and dumber days." We are planning on filing bankruptcy this year and look forward to having a fresh start.

Monday evening I was looking trough one of our local papers (The Shopper) and I happened to see an ad for a 4 bedroom for rent in a town nearby (Thorp). I immediately called on the listing and was told that it was actually out of city limits and about 16 miles SE from our current home. She advised me that it was a farm house and that it was available for $600 a month. So we made arrangements to go look at the house for tonight at 5pm. The drive seemed a little further then we would have desired, but it was a beautiful drive needless to say. Once we arrived at the house I fell in love all over again. The location was what I have dreamed of since I can remember! It is set off of a dirt road, the nearest neighbor is about a 1/4 of a mile from the farm, the yard is HUGE, the house is a typical farm house, but has such incredible potential. I was ready to sign papers that moment.

Once we left, I called the home owner and had to leave a message (I felt so anxious...I wanted her to answer that moment). I was like a teenager sitting by the phone all evening waiting for her crush to call and ask her to prom (smiling). I tried to not pester and call 10 times, but it was so hard...I only tried 4 or 5 times (lol).

It is now 10:30 at night and I still have not received a call back and I obviously won't tonight, but I am hoping with such intense anxiety that she calls me tomorrow (the earlier...the better) and tells me that the home is still available, and that it meets our requirements!

I want this so BAD!

Yard Sale

So I am having a Yard Sale tomorrow Alone...with my 2 babies!  Yes I give you permission to call me nuts.  I am tired of having a cluttered garage though and I have no desire to hang onto baby clothes.   Yes, I know that I may have another baby eventually, however I am not willing to hold onto anything.  I am very anti clutter.  I hate how my husband wants to keep everything.  I understand that it may be fixable with duct tape, gorilla glue and a torch...but that doesn't mean we can't buy a brand new one in perfect condition.  My motto is "If we haven't used it in the last 6 months, then it needs to find a new home." I will not have things for sale that look like they belong in the junk yard or perhaps the trash, because my biggest pet peeve about going to yard sales is the CRAP that people believe they can or should sell.  Come on people really?  And are you really going to sell it for that amount?  GOOD LUCK, I'm not the sucker to fall for that.  I will definitely let you know how good this sale turns out for me.  I plan on buying myself some new shirts with my newly found money!

GED Testing

2 down and 3 to go...that's if I passed the 2 I took today. I believe that I did well on my Reading test; however, I do not feel as confident about the Social Studies test. I did really well on the Social Studies pre-test, but for some reason the official seemed a lot HARDER! I must say I am very proud of myself for finally deciding to continue my education and do whatever it takes to better myself. I am 31 years old and I have put this off for the last 13 years. I have made no more excuses. I will admit I felt very "out of place" in the presence of my peers. I felt embarrassed.

With my years of experience in the "work force," I do not feel that having a GED made me any less capable of getting my work done and being a responsible employee. I do feel that it lessened my chances of being promoted and it held me back from continuing my education in order to advance my skills. I am learning to not have any regrets, I just wish that I had finished High School. I have many
reasons why I didn't and each and everyone of them are justifiable. I now need to move forward and forget what I didn't do, and concentrate on the things that I am doing! I am excited to get my test results back.

"Confront your fears, list them, get to know them, and only then will you be able to put them aside and move ahead."

To Be Continued...

Mirrors

Today we decided to go walk around the mall and let Nolan play at the little indoor playground, because the weather has been so crappy lately, and we're getting stir crazy! As we were walking past a store, a dress on a manican caught my eye. I had to try it on of course...only because I need a dress for an upcoming wedding. OH MY GOSH I was embarrassed to look at myself in that mirror. Wow have I put on some weight. I saw my body in a different way standing there looking into that mirror! Dressing Room mirrors DO NOT lie! Yes, I understand I just had my 4th baby 4 months ago, but still...I need to lose about 20 pounds in order to feel good about myself. So I decided that I need to hit the tanning bed and treadmill. By the way...the dress was still very cute!!

IMG00164-20100512-1545.jpg

I Heart Their Love! Absolutely precious!

Breakfast with a Toddler

How many of us moms have been told time and time again to be "consistent?". Easier said then done! When you have a toddler, who I consider to be a picky eater at times, it isn't always easy to be consistent. This morning, my toddler decided to wake up at 5am (probably due to a soaked diaper and falling out of his toddler bed). I am not the liveliest bird in the nest in the mornings, so I found 5 am to be a CHALLENGE! Most mornings my toddler will tell me "Eat, Eat, Eat" which typically means "hey mom I am starving, do you mind feeding me?" This morning he told me "Eat, Eat PIZZA!" Being the mom of the year...Of course I told him "you cannot have pizza for breakfast." NOT! In fact I gave him 2 slices (cold) and he even asked for cereal along with his pizza. So my toddler ate cold pizza and cereal for breakfast today. I do realize that this wasn't what most would consider to be your
average square meal, but it sure is in the eyes of my babe. So the moral of my story is...most mornings I may have put up a fight and not allowed pizza for breakfast, but this morning I broke the golden rule and wasn't consistent.

Happy Mother's Day

Today is a day that celebrates all of us Mother's. It's a day that reflects what we have become, and honors us for the precious lives that we have brought into this world.

I was never able to celebrate Mother's Day as a child, because I did not have a Mother. I was the child in school who didn't have the mom to make all of those little neat projects for. I didn't have the mom that went on field trips with me, or who came to school lunches, or who read me bed time stories. But...I did have the greatest GRANDMA! She tried so hard to be the mom that all little girls need, but it still wasn't the same. A Mother...a Mama...a Mom...or a Mommy is irreplaceable! I always felt like I was missing something. I am so thankful for my Grandma. She did an amazing job raising me. She provided for me emotionally, spiritually and financially. She cooked warm, delicious suppers. She even went on a few field trips with me. If it weren't for my Grandma...I wouldn't be the woman I am today...in fact, I'm not sure where I would be today. I miss you Grandma!

Now that I am a Mother, a Mama, a Mommy and a Mom...this day is very special for me. I have been blessed beyond imagination! I have 4 healthy, wonderful and incredibly beautiful children. I love them all more then I thought I could ever love. Its the most awesome kind of love. It is a bond that is unbreakable and a feeling that is unexplainable! I am in such a blissful state when each one of them hugs me, kisses me, says I love you Mama or just sits in my lap. Two of my favorite things to do as a mother is rock my children and read to them. I love looking into their innocent eyes, rubbing their backs, caressing their heads, kissing their cheeks, holding their hands and whispering sweet nothings into their ears...I just love them! I love it all!

My heart breaks for those Mother's who have lost their children. I wish that no mother would ever have to experience losing a child. It is just not fair. You all have a special place in my heart. You are extraordinarily strong woman. May God comfort you today.

I wish each and every Mother a very Happy Mother's Day. May God enrich your lives.

God Bless!

Birth Control

It is so hard having so many options of "Birth Control" (bc) to choose from. Do I want a hormonal bc, non-hormonal, pills, shots, plastic devices (ring & IUD), patch, sponge, latex...and the list goes on. The side effects range from hair loss, NO sex drive, increased sex drive, blood clots, mood swings (those can be as severe as wanting to murder anyone that comes in your sight), weight gain, dry/moist, discharge, bloating, cramping, fatigue and that list goes on as well. There are also temporary and permanent options. Just having to decide which bc is best for you is enough to make one choose abstinence for goodness sake.

I have definitely tried my fair share of bc options and had my like and dislikes with each one. I have been blessed with 4 beautiful children (3 boys & 1 girl) and I am indecisive about having any more. So with that being said...I've had to make the decision to find that "perfect" bc option for the mean time.

After having my 4th child (my daughter Madalynn) on 12/31/09, I ended up picking the Mirena IUD. I liked that it lasted 5 yrs, it wasn't something you had to remember daily, weekly or monthly, and NO PERIOD! Now I also knew that I had tried it one other time after my 2nd child (Marcus) in 2004 and had a very negative experience with it. I bled for the entire 11 months I had it in, and I had to have it surgically removed due to the string getting lost! I wanted to give it another chance though because of all the positive things I mentioned above. So February 2010 I had the Mirena IUD placed inside of me. The insertion is fairly easy, minimal discomfort (for me) and it takes effect IMMEDIATELY (reproduction free)! I of course spotted for 6 weeks after insertion. It wasn't bad, very light in fact. I have been what I thought...completely satisfied. I haven't bled, or even spotted in 2
months!

I am one of the unfortunate mothers that experiences the "Baby Blues." It typically starts about day 3 after having the baby and lasts about 3 weeks. I very thankful for the creator of prozac. I have always noticed that my prozac works very well for me and I do not have any significant side effects. This time around I feel as though it hasn't worked "completely." I no longer have the "Baby Blues," but the symptoms that I am still feeling are: extreme fatigue, I feel like I'm always tired regardless of the amount of sleep I have gotten. Besides Madalynn has been sleeping through the night for the last 2 months. I have absolutely no energy or desire to do ANYTHING except sleep of course. I have had an unusual amount of hair loss (thank goodness I have very thick hair or I may have had to by a wig by now), moodiness which ranges from agitated feelings (any little thing my husband does sets
me off), feelings of inadequacy, just BLAH. I have had absolutely NO sex drive (I don't want to be kissed, hugged, fondled or even think about love making) and this is very odd for me. I was always in the mood. I was willing and able to perform several times a day! Now my husband is lucky to get any sort of action once a week (yes I'm very serious). I feel like I'm just "not there." I'm very forgetful and spacey. I don't feel like MYSELF!

Due to all of these symptoms I have talked with my family doctor and she thought that maybe my prozac needed to be increased. Well that didn't work...so we thought maybe a Thyroid problem, that came back normal...my blood pressure was low so I increased my salt intake and my blood pressure came back up...that wasn't it either. Finally I decided to google "Mirena low sex drive" just like that and this is what came up http://www.medications.com/se/mirena/sex-drive

Whalaa...I found my PROBLEM! I it wasn't Saturday, I would already have been on the phone scheduling myself an appt. with my OB! Since it is Saturday...I have been pondering ideas of how to yank this thing out of me on my own!! I reasoned with myself and decided to just be patient and allow the doctor to take it out. I just want instant relief. I want to feel normal again. I want my relationship with my husband back!

Dream

Have you ever woken from a dream and it felt so real? The images being so real? Did you feel like you actually lived it? Well I had one of those dreams yesterday morning. It left me feeling like I had truly experienced it. I felt like I had just walked out of the tv screen (if that makes any sense). My dream took place in Phoenix, Arizona and I was walking outside of a tall building, having had just finished prepping for my GED exam. It was a bright, sunny day. I called my dad to let him know that he could come and pick me up, since I had finished doing what I needed to do. He told me that it would be quite some time before he would be able to pick me up. That had me really agitated, so I decided to walk home; in route, I came to an intersection and all I could see was complete MAYHAM! The weirdest thing is that the sunny day turned into complete darkness. I saw a really tall man
standing at the intersection just standing there looking helpless. He was wearing a black jacket, white button down shirt and black pants. He appeared to be a Fire Chief. From what I could see there were 3 yellow fire trucks. Two were upside down and one of them was crushed into a pile of steel. It didn't even resemble a fire truck. I noticed that there were firefighters trapped inside of the two that were upside down. One image that stuck in my head was a females long, curly brown hair hanging out of the truck. The road was covered in shredded glass and metal. It looked like the road was paved with glass and metal instead of tar. I asked the man how this happened and he told me that the fire trucks were responding to an emergency call and they all collided at this intersection. I started to turn around and walk towards my vehicle (no idea how I had a vehicle all of the sudden) but as
I turned around, 3 school buses appeared at the scene of the accident and were all of the sudden part of the accident. The school buses were full of children who were on their way home from school. 2 school buses were turned upside down and one was upright, but lodged on top of something (I couldn't make out what the school bus was lodged on). As I was heading back to my vehicle I heard a female screaming orders at a tow truck. The tow truck was pulling the bus off of whatever it was lodged on and as it began to pull, I could see that both the truck and the bus were beginning to tip over. I started screaming "WAIT, WAIT" and I could hear that female voice again screaming "STOP!" It was too late the truck and bus flipped over and the bus did 2 complete flips before coming to a stop. All I saw were children being dying. There was nothing left of the bus.

I am not really sure why we dream what we dream, but there aren't many dreams that leave me with an anxiety attack. In fact I had a stomach ache all day yesterday due to the graphic nature of that dream. I decided to write about this dream only because I want to start keeping track of my dreams that have any kind of impact on me.