A letter to Nolan

Nolan as I prepare for going into the hospital tomorrow morning to give birth to your sister or brother, I want you to know that mommy and daddy's love will never change for you. We pray that one day you and your sister or brother will have a bond that is immeasurable and inseparable. You have brought us so much joy in our lives and we have been blessed to have been chosen as your parents. You are so full of life, innocence and love. Mommy and Daddy have enjoyed every single second of your life and will continue to until eternity. We have learned patience, selflessness and unconditional love from you. We hope that you are able to teach your brother or sister these things in life and protect him or her when we may not be able to. We understand that you are too young to understand what is happening, and you are not able to read this; however I still felt that I needed to reassure
you these things somehow. I will miss you immensely while I am in the hospital, but you will be in my every thought. Mommy and Daddy are so excited to be completing our family and look forward to the years to come with all of our children. We love you Nolan to Infinity and Beyond!

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2 more days!

Only 2 more days left until we meet our new baby! I can not believe we have reached this point. It seems like the first 7 months of pregnancy lasts an entire year, then all of the sudden you wake up and you are "due." I should be packing my bag and cleaning up the last minute odds and ends, but sitting here on the couch, doing absolutely nothing seems more logical : ) ! I have some anxiety about being away from Noli, but I know he will be in great hands. Michael's grandmother is going to stay 2 nights with him. I am hoping that doc let's me out after 2 days. This sure isn't my first rodeo so I don't see a point in staying the extra night. I am not nervous about the delivery at all. I am. Nervous about getting the spinal. If you know me, you know that I am deathly afraid of shots/needles. I am such a big baby. Other then that fear of mine I am perfectly calm about the entire delivery
process. I just can not wait until I hear somebody tell me whether it is a girl or a boy!! I have waited so long to hear those 3 words "Its a ...." I can not believe I chose to not find out. I am such a planner that I need all of my ducks in a row before I can do something; however I really wanted to be surprised. It definitely has been worth the wait. Michael was not wild with the idea of not knowing the sex, but it didn't take much convincing on my part. He is a pretty easy going guy and just goes with the flow. So these next 2 days are going to go by so slowly. I wish it was today!

The Three of Us

updating

Wow it has been quite a while since I last blogged! I am not sure why I stopped because blogging is therapy for me.

This has been one heck of a year. We have had quite a few deaths that we have had to endure over the summer. I have not seen my 2 older boys in over 10 months now. I finally was able to speak to them a few weeks ago once we went to court and the judge enforced orders on their dad. We are so excited because we get our 1st visitation March of 2010 during their Spring Break. I can not believe Marcus is in kindergarten and David is in 3rd grade. I am such a proud mama of all my children.

I am scheduled to have my c-section in 3 days! We are both so excited to meet this baby. We have no idea what the gender is. I have had my feelings as to what I think it is and they differ each and every day. Either way we are excited and blessed that this baby choose us to be its parents. This pregnancy was very difficult for me. I have never not enjoyed being pregnant; however I have not enjoyed it this time a round. I had morning sickness the first 13 weeks, then it seemed as if I never got my energy back. I had a few days where I got a burst of energy, but it never lasted long. I haven't had the desire to cook or clean since the beginning of this pregnancy. That is very odd for me since those are two things I really enjoy doing. My moods were off of the road map. I think I have been bipolar this entire pregnancy lol! For some reason I was a rare case, but I managed to develop
"Pelvic Joint Dysfunction" early in the pregnancy. That sure took a toll on my body physically. I have never known what pain was until that crept up on me. I have felt like a very old woman. It is debilitating, not to mention embarrassing. I went to physical therapy for a few weeks, but there isn't anything that makes the pain subside so I decided to stop that for now. They say it typically goes away once you give birth, I only hope and pray for my sanity that is true. So I am definitely looking forward to this baby being born and my life returning to "normalacy" or what I think may be normal.

Nolan is now 16 months old. He is walking/running and has quite the vocabulary now. It seems like he says a new word every day. He is such an amazing little boy. He fills our lives with amazement. I know that Michael and I sure have enjoyed every second of being Nolan's parents. Some days are easier then others, but we wouldn't change a thing.